Having spent some time the last few days up at Mike's parents house, we were there when his brother came in for a visit with his family. His oldest daughter has a daughter of her own, the two year old named Allie you see admiring a flower in the picture.
I spent some time with this precious little squirt today. She spent the first 20 minutes or so being told to stop, settle down, and the infamous word "no".
Bless her heart, Aunt "Jefinner" (as she calls me, still struggling with the name Jennifer at times) just couldn't stand watching that pouty face anymore, so we went for a little walk. Of course I grabbed my camera... my addiction to taking photos couldn't resist the opportunity for possible photo ops.
We walked hand in hand across the grass to the edge of the yard where the woods met up with the freshly cut grass, when she exclaimed how pretty the flowers were. I started to tell her those weren't Mamaw's flowers, just weeds Papaw missed when mowing... but as I sat down on the grass in front of her my mind did its thing, and there I sat watching her pick and admire each and every "weed" as the thoughts rolled in...
I'm a thankful weed. I know what a mess I was when I was living without the Lord in my life. If I had been a plant in someone's yard, I would've been one of those ragged looking things that appear when the grass begins to grow back after a fresh mow. You know, those first annoying things that seem to grow overnight after a hard day of work on the yard. They have prickly edges, some itch when you pick them, and they certainly lack the beauty that a typical green-thumb wants in their garden.
But then something happens. While gathering nourishment from the soil its seed was planted in, a bloom begins. From what started out as an ugly growth, blossomed a beautiful flower out of the weed. Sometimes there are thorns sticking out of the stem's side, but those can be trimmed away, and the bloom still looks lovely placed in a vase.
Paul had a thorn in his side, and yet he was an incredible vessel the Lord used. I was a weed, but my bud has bloomed. The Lord is little by little removing the thorns hanging from my stems. The weeds my niece picked for me today were put together as a lovely little bouquet handed over with humble love. Ah yes, the things that can be realized from a walk with a two year old.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
The Beauty in a Weed
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
The Battle of Me vs. Myself
Have you ever realized how easy it is to set yourself up for discouragement and stress... if you allow that to happen?
Our daughter Desiree is our sports nut: volleyball, basketball, cheer-leading, soccer... she would probably squeeze in more if she could manage more hours in the day. Nathan enjoys his time playing baseball, but Desiree is definitely the extra curricular enthusiast. Well, last week our daughter's doctor called. She had gone in for a sports physical so she can participate in the next school years' sports activities. She announced to me over the phone that she is not approving Desiree's physical form, and that there are concerns she wanted to discuss. Apparently during the physical, she observed symptoms and concerns that lead her to believe Desiree has Marfan's Syndrome. (What??).
Personally, up until that point, I had never heard of such a thing. All I heard was "syndrome", and my heart skipped a beat, my voice got jittery, and I'm pretty sure my eyes accumulated more moisture than normal. At the time of her call, I was on the road with Mike, a couple days away from arriving home. What is it? Is it urgent? Is Desiree safe? Do I need to get her to a hospital? Will our insurance cover this? What happens next?
Her doctor gave a brief explanation of Marfan's Syndrome (which only left me with ten times as many questions), and told me she couldn't approve Desiree's physical for sports until I had her observed by a cardiologist, confirming her prediction. The call seemed to end pretty quickly after that statement. Meanwhile, I'm sitting in the passenger's seat, trying to remember everything she said, relaying it to a concerned Mike, who only heard my end of the conversation, along with the many random questions that popped into my head while on the phone. Not remembering half of what she said about Marfan's, I was thankful to find we were traveling in a 3G area so my phone's internet was accessible, as I frantically started Googling for information.
That's when my fleshly mind separated from the heart of calming peace, control, and comfort. All the "symptoms" Mike and I have brushed off as growing pains, puberty, sports involvement, and basic teenage paranoia all appeared on the list of physical symptoms for Marfan's Syndrome. Oh my gosh, how on earth had I let all these things be brushed off when all along my daughter was suffering from this syndrome that could literally kill her if not medically maintained and monitored!? I felt like the worst mother ever for not picking apart all these things, and having that motherly instinct letting me know ahead of time that something was wrong with my child. I'm sure I didn't help Mike's normally rational and collected thinking on the subject with all my random thoughts spilling here and there as I read more and more about it as we ventured down the road.
Sadly, my mind immediately absorbed the worst. My mouth kept speaking that God had it all under control, that everything happens for a reason, that nothing is put on us that the Lord won't help get us through... my heart wanted to focus on those things, but my mind, my wandering mind kept taking me back to the alternate. What things Desiree would no longer be able to do, restrictions on future possibilities despite her dreams and goals, medications she would be bound to for the rest of her life, painful surgeries she would have to endure, and so the list went on. I wanted to smack my brain down a few levels to where my heart was trying to direct it. My husband, of course, skillfully changed the subject and eased my mind away from it for the time being.
Once we arrived back home, I contacted our insurance company, who was wonderful about directing us to an experienced doctor that is very familiar with Marfan's Syndrome. The step by step of what would take place was explained, websites were provided, and literature laid out. I was a nervous wreck, and battled with my own mind, doing everything I could to talk myself into trusting God to take care of it all and allow Him to be in control.
This morning I awoke to "the big day" of tests and procedures, the day of Desiree's scheduled appointment with the cardiologist. I remember praying last night while laying in bed, and must have fallen asleep in the process, because I don't remember anything else past that. I do remember asking God to give me the peace and comfort that only He could give... and let me tell you, I slept better last night than I have in a long time. I woke up without rattling nerves, and with an attitude that literally surprised myself... that I was wasting my time taking her to the appointment, because everything would be fine.
We went through the motions though. Mike even called me while we were sitting in the waiting room, and I know he heard the battle my mind was trying to create through my voice as I spoke... and yet when the doctor finally came in to greet us, I knew at that very moment who had control. All the "positive thinking" the Lord has been dealing with me about over the last couple weeks flowed through my mind. He had been prepping me for that very moment. He had given me the instructions and the battle gear ahead of time... weeks before I would even need it. Here I thought perhaps it was for someone else He would put in my path, so I've been sharing it here, there and everywhere hoping to reach the intended recipient... yet all along it was for me! With my eyes I saw Dr. Anderson going through all the motions running tests, talking about what he was doing and why, explaining procedures as he performed them on my daughter... yet all I heard was every positive thought, every assuring bible verse I had read, and every word of comfort He's been speaking to me over the last couple weeks.
Seeing Desiree gathering her things snapped me back into the situation, as Dr. Anderson approached me and said he's having difficulty understanding why Desiree's doctor insisted on her being tested. He splurred out simple explanations and solutions for all those "symptoms" I allowed my mind to get worked up about that day I received the call, and he said just to appease her doctor, he's going to have one more test run for the records on Friday morning, but as far as he's concerned, he's ruled out even the slightest possibility of Marfan's Syndrome, and that Desiree should go right about her healthy lifestyle of sports, and pursue all the ambitions she had apparently told him about as he was running his tests. He called her brilliant, and said what a refreshment it is to him to see that there is still a teenager out there with a desire to accomplish what her heart and mind conceives.
Desiree and I celebrated by enjoying lunch together at Peking... our favorite Chinese restaurant. Desiree kept asking me from across the table what I was smiling about. It was hard to put into words for her that the smile, aside from the opportunity to testify to my own daughter, was my realization that with the Lord's help, I had just won victory in the battle of me verses myself. My heart and my mind went head to head against each other... and even in that battle, the Lord was in control. So my quest to share positivity with those around me will continue, because the more I find to share with others, the more my own heart can store for its next battle.
Our daughter Desiree is our sports nut: volleyball, basketball, cheer-leading, soccer... she would probably squeeze in more if she could manage more hours in the day. Nathan enjoys his time playing baseball, but Desiree is definitely the extra curricular enthusiast. Well, last week our daughter's doctor called. She had gone in for a sports physical so she can participate in the next school years' sports activities. She announced to me over the phone that she is not approving Desiree's physical form, and that there are concerns she wanted to discuss. Apparently during the physical, she observed symptoms and concerns that lead her to believe Desiree has Marfan's Syndrome. (What??).
Personally, up until that point, I had never heard of such a thing. All I heard was "syndrome", and my heart skipped a beat, my voice got jittery, and I'm pretty sure my eyes accumulated more moisture than normal. At the time of her call, I was on the road with Mike, a couple days away from arriving home. What is it? Is it urgent? Is Desiree safe? Do I need to get her to a hospital? Will our insurance cover this? What happens next?
Her doctor gave a brief explanation of Marfan's Syndrome (which only left me with ten times as many questions), and told me she couldn't approve Desiree's physical for sports until I had her observed by a cardiologist, confirming her prediction. The call seemed to end pretty quickly after that statement. Meanwhile, I'm sitting in the passenger's seat, trying to remember everything she said, relaying it to a concerned Mike, who only heard my end of the conversation, along with the many random questions that popped into my head while on the phone. Not remembering half of what she said about Marfan's, I was thankful to find we were traveling in a 3G area so my phone's internet was accessible, as I frantically started Googling for information.
That's when my fleshly mind separated from the heart of calming peace, control, and comfort. All the "symptoms" Mike and I have brushed off as growing pains, puberty, sports involvement, and basic teenage paranoia all appeared on the list of physical symptoms for Marfan's Syndrome. Oh my gosh, how on earth had I let all these things be brushed off when all along my daughter was suffering from this syndrome that could literally kill her if not medically maintained and monitored!? I felt like the worst mother ever for not picking apart all these things, and having that motherly instinct letting me know ahead of time that something was wrong with my child. I'm sure I didn't help Mike's normally rational and collected thinking on the subject with all my random thoughts spilling here and there as I read more and more about it as we ventured down the road.
Sadly, my mind immediately absorbed the worst. My mouth kept speaking that God had it all under control, that everything happens for a reason, that nothing is put on us that the Lord won't help get us through... my heart wanted to focus on those things, but my mind, my wandering mind kept taking me back to the alternate. What things Desiree would no longer be able to do, restrictions on future possibilities despite her dreams and goals, medications she would be bound to for the rest of her life, painful surgeries she would have to endure, and so the list went on. I wanted to smack my brain down a few levels to where my heart was trying to direct it. My husband, of course, skillfully changed the subject and eased my mind away from it for the time being.
Once we arrived back home, I contacted our insurance company, who was wonderful about directing us to an experienced doctor that is very familiar with Marfan's Syndrome. The step by step of what would take place was explained, websites were provided, and literature laid out. I was a nervous wreck, and battled with my own mind, doing everything I could to talk myself into trusting God to take care of it all and allow Him to be in control.
This morning I awoke to "the big day" of tests and procedures, the day of Desiree's scheduled appointment with the cardiologist. I remember praying last night while laying in bed, and must have fallen asleep in the process, because I don't remember anything else past that. I do remember asking God to give me the peace and comfort that only He could give... and let me tell you, I slept better last night than I have in a long time. I woke up without rattling nerves, and with an attitude that literally surprised myself... that I was wasting my time taking her to the appointment, because everything would be fine.
We went through the motions though. Mike even called me while we were sitting in the waiting room, and I know he heard the battle my mind was trying to create through my voice as I spoke... and yet when the doctor finally came in to greet us, I knew at that very moment who had control. All the "positive thinking" the Lord has been dealing with me about over the last couple weeks flowed through my mind. He had been prepping me for that very moment. He had given me the instructions and the battle gear ahead of time... weeks before I would even need it. Here I thought perhaps it was for someone else He would put in my path, so I've been sharing it here, there and everywhere hoping to reach the intended recipient... yet all along it was for me! With my eyes I saw Dr. Anderson going through all the motions running tests, talking about what he was doing and why, explaining procedures as he performed them on my daughter... yet all I heard was every positive thought, every assuring bible verse I had read, and every word of comfort He's been speaking to me over the last couple weeks.
Seeing Desiree gathering her things snapped me back into the situation, as Dr. Anderson approached me and said he's having difficulty understanding why Desiree's doctor insisted on her being tested. He splurred out simple explanations and solutions for all those "symptoms" I allowed my mind to get worked up about that day I received the call, and he said just to appease her doctor, he's going to have one more test run for the records on Friday morning, but as far as he's concerned, he's ruled out even the slightest possibility of Marfan's Syndrome, and that Desiree should go right about her healthy lifestyle of sports, and pursue all the ambitions she had apparently told him about as he was running his tests. He called her brilliant, and said what a refreshment it is to him to see that there is still a teenager out there with a desire to accomplish what her heart and mind conceives.
Desiree and I celebrated by enjoying lunch together at Peking... our favorite Chinese restaurant. Desiree kept asking me from across the table what I was smiling about. It was hard to put into words for her that the smile, aside from the opportunity to testify to my own daughter, was my realization that with the Lord's help, I had just won victory in the battle of me verses myself. My heart and my mind went head to head against each other... and even in that battle, the Lord was in control. So my quest to share positivity with those around me will continue, because the more I find to share with others, the more my own heart can store for its next battle.
Cry Out to Jesus
To everyone who's lost someone they love
Long before it was their time
You feel like the days you had were not enough
When you said goodbye
And to all of the people with burdens and pains
Keepin' you back from your life
You believe that there's nothing
And there is no one who can make it right
There is hope for the helpless, rest for the weary
And love for the broken hearts
There is grace and forgiveness, mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus
For the marriage that's struggling just to hang on
Have lost all of their faith in love
And they've done all they can to make it right again
Still it's not enough
For the ones who can't break the addictions and chains
You try to give up but you come back again
Just remember that you're not alone
In your shame and your suffering
There is hope for the helpless, rest for the weary
And love for the broken hearts
There is grace and forgiveness, mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus
When you're lonely
And it feels like the whole world is falling on you
You just reach out
You just cry out to Jesus
Cry to Jesus
To the widow who suffers from being alone
Wipin' the tears from her eyes
For the children around the world without a home
Say a prayer tonight
There is hope for the helpless, rest for the weary
And love for the broken hearts
There is grace and forgiveness, mercy and healing
That meets you wherever you are
There is hope for the helpless, rest for the weary
And love for the broken hearts
There is grace and forgiveness, mercy and healing
That meets you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus
Posted by
Jennifer Emmert
at
11:04 AM
Cry Out to Jesus
2011-05-24T11:04:00-04:00
Jennifer Emmert
Words to Live By|
Comments
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Words to Live By
Attitudes Are Contagious!
How easy it is to just say the glass is half empty, as we tap on the table with our fingertips waiting on the waitress to refill it before we wind up sucking on the ice cubes to quench our thirst. Is it really that difficult to enjoy the flavor of what we have and be thankful for the ice bonus waiting at the bottom while we wait?
I was out this afternoon running errands and grocery shopping with my daughter, and I caught myself observing my surroundings. While doing my grocery shopping at our (somewhat) local 'Super Walmart', everyone around me seemed so rushed, annoyed, and unhappy. As one person would pass the next, it was as if they were passing their stresses and irritations back and forth to one another. I found myself looking for someone that actually had at least a half smile on their face. Surely life isn't that bad for everyone out there!
Of course there was a parking lot full of nice cars; quite a few people were dressed as though they recently got out of work in nice skirts, slacks, and accessories; carts around me were full, which meant the wallet must contain enough to cover the purchases; beautiful healthy children bounced around the ankles of parents scanning the shelves... so, needs were met, but still not one happy face in the bunch. Then it hit me... I have something to smile about, but how many of them truly do?!
I wound up in the checkout line with my cart of groceries before I saw the first smile since walking through the doors... a little girl, probably three or four, with the cutest curly pigtails popping out of her head, sitting in the front of the cart that her mother was filling back up with bagged groceries. The little girl just stared at me as I waited my turn, the most beautiful smile on her face that I found myself staring at her with a returning smile... and I just stood there in front of her, locked into a trance of smile sharing. How innocent, for this little tot to reach out with a smile, unaware of any and every problem adults allow to seep in, stealing their joy. Behind her smile there was nothing that showed how many toys she had, what kind of home she lived in, what type of car her parents drove, how many friends she had waiting to play with her on the playground: it was just simple joy that was contagiously drawing me in the share it with her.
How often do we let life's everyday circumstances or thoughts on our mind draw us in, concentrating solely on such, distracting us from letting such a simple smile reveal the priceless joy we're storing within, one that should be shared with the world around us! We all have our mixed share of bills, homes in need of cleaning and/or repair, mail to respond to, gas tanks to fill, errands to run, distant family members, health conditions, etc, etc... but wouldn't all that still be there regardless of whether we smile or get lost in all of that and allow it to ruin the day for ourselves and those around us?
I want to be the difference. Thank God I have a car to get me to and fro! Thank God I can get to the grocery store to buy the groceries my family needs to fill their bellies! Thank God I have hands to write a response to the mail waiting to be sent out! Thank God for the roof above my head, regardless of how quickly the messes appear within! That's the attitude I want to reveal while surrounded by so many people needing a difference in their lives. I'm striving to be that little girl in pigtails that makes people wonder how I'm walking around with a smile on my face regardless of any trials and burdens I may be facing that day... causing those around me to want the solution I have, that they have yet to meet. When others see me, I don't want them to see a to-do list having control over me, I want them to see the love of the Lord shining from the inside out.
We have to remember: attitudes are contagious... is yours worth catching?
I was out this afternoon running errands and grocery shopping with my daughter, and I caught myself observing my surroundings. While doing my grocery shopping at our (somewhat) local 'Super Walmart', everyone around me seemed so rushed, annoyed, and unhappy. As one person would pass the next, it was as if they were passing their stresses and irritations back and forth to one another. I found myself looking for someone that actually had at least a half smile on their face. Surely life isn't that bad for everyone out there!
Of course there was a parking lot full of nice cars; quite a few people were dressed as though they recently got out of work in nice skirts, slacks, and accessories; carts around me were full, which meant the wallet must contain enough to cover the purchases; beautiful healthy children bounced around the ankles of parents scanning the shelves... so, needs were met, but still not one happy face in the bunch. Then it hit me... I have something to smile about, but how many of them truly do?!
I wound up in the checkout line with my cart of groceries before I saw the first smile since walking through the doors... a little girl, probably three or four, with the cutest curly pigtails popping out of her head, sitting in the front of the cart that her mother was filling back up with bagged groceries. The little girl just stared at me as I waited my turn, the most beautiful smile on her face that I found myself staring at her with a returning smile... and I just stood there in front of her, locked into a trance of smile sharing. How innocent, for this little tot to reach out with a smile, unaware of any and every problem adults allow to seep in, stealing their joy. Behind her smile there was nothing that showed how many toys she had, what kind of home she lived in, what type of car her parents drove, how many friends she had waiting to play with her on the playground: it was just simple joy that was contagiously drawing me in the share it with her.
How often do we let life's everyday circumstances or thoughts on our mind draw us in, concentrating solely on such, distracting us from letting such a simple smile reveal the priceless joy we're storing within, one that should be shared with the world around us! We all have our mixed share of bills, homes in need of cleaning and/or repair, mail to respond to, gas tanks to fill, errands to run, distant family members, health conditions, etc, etc... but wouldn't all that still be there regardless of whether we smile or get lost in all of that and allow it to ruin the day for ourselves and those around us?
I want to be the difference. Thank God I have a car to get me to and fro! Thank God I can get to the grocery store to buy the groceries my family needs to fill their bellies! Thank God I have hands to write a response to the mail waiting to be sent out! Thank God for the roof above my head, regardless of how quickly the messes appear within! That's the attitude I want to reveal while surrounded by so many people needing a difference in their lives. I'm striving to be that little girl in pigtails that makes people wonder how I'm walking around with a smile on my face regardless of any trials and burdens I may be facing that day... causing those around me to want the solution I have, that they have yet to meet. When others see me, I don't want them to see a to-do list having control over me, I want them to see the love of the Lord shining from the inside out.
We have to remember: attitudes are contagious... is yours worth catching?
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